MARI TUA DAN MATI BERSAMA

Sekarang aku faham kenapa orang buat iklan raya. Kenapa orang lambat bagi duit bulanan untuk mak ayah. Kenapa orang tak call kawan kawan tanya khabar. Kenapa orang taksempat nak makan. Kenapa orang tak cuci kereta. Kenapa orang lupa sembahyang. Kenapa orang lupa harijadi adik sendiri.

Ingat nak buat, cuma tak ada masa. Lupa nak buat, sebab sibuk teramat.

Sebab bila kita dah besar dan makin banyak tanggungjawab, kita lupa hal yang kecil kecil ini.

Yang kecil, tapi besar makna.

I feel bad. For not paying the bills for months. For skipped giving money to mak ayah. For keep changing jobs. For staying at Kak Liza's quite a longgg time. For my life yang currently lintang pukang. Some says its life. Well if this is the definition of life, I truly want to go back being kids.

What do you want actually?

Things back to normal.

Pernah ke life kau normal sebelum ni?

Mungkin. 

AKU SAYANG DIA NI *MACAM KAPSYEN MAT REMPIT

IF I LET YOU GO

English aku dulu sampai sekarang takpernah sedap. Dulu masa kecik kecik lagi teruk. Lepastu pulak aku minat Westlife gila tapi takreti bahasa Inggeris maka memang tak ketahuan kepala ekoqla apa aku dok nyanyi tu.

Aku selalu berangan matsaleh everytime aku pasang video clip lagu My Love. First few seconds kan ada sikit diorang berlakon konon konon flight cancel. Jadi aku yang English nya lintang pukang tapi still nak bajet matsaleh akan dok pumpang sorang sorang.

Forget last. The last call should be cancelled.

What are you talking about gay? *see maksud gay pon tataw main hantam je berlakon*

Thats the same or serious?

Ngdsajhdusdxc and go home.

Look, forget this we could for walken. I'm gone home.

But I must admit this is one way to learn English too as long as you have the effort to refer books, dictionaries etc to ensure the words you heard are correct. I remember after we had the internet connection at home the first thing we surfed was about Westlife because my siblings were just mad about them ! Sebelum cd player datang bersepah sepah di Malaysia, yang ada hanyalah tape player tu jerr. Itupun dok menumpang pasang kat rumah orang sebab kat rumah sendiri tak ada. So bila Kak Emi sepupu yang dok Kedah beli tape Westlife seloplah seisi keluarga ulang dengar. Ariff yang taksuka balik kampung akan eksaited sebab boleh dengar Westlife. Sampailah satu hari tu dia rosakkan tape tu kerana asyik diulangnya lagu If I Let You Go non stop.

Mulalah terketar ketar muka pucat memutar balik tape tu.

KALAU NAK BAGI ORANG TOUCHED PON LOJIK SIKIT BOLEH TAK?

Today at work, my job is non other than browsing information on how to loose weight and keep a healthy balanced diet for a better shape. I want to look slimmer and scrap away my bloating tummy not just for me but it looks good naked. Like seriously.

So I've tumbled upon this web site named WebMD-- to count on my calories, how much and how to cut it. Seriously I'm kinda freak out with my current body weight because the last time I checked, not just the calories and stuffs that filled me but the fat is thickening in my blood stream. The physicist advised me to take this one drug which I forgot the name but I couldn't afford it that time (or I'm being too ignorant thinking am still young and bad things won't happen, yet).

AND NOW, I realized on how important to take great care of ourselves because if we don't, nobody's gonna give a damn. Your body is not their business (exception for Jack-- my body is his business). My concern rises after I realized I'm getting older (baru sekarang nak sedar?) and is about to live the life. I had great great time with heaven delicacies in the past and now is the time to move on. Fact, most Malaysian adults tend to have plenty of diseases because of unhealthy diet. Main hantam je nak makan apa. Most of us overeat, what is eaten by one person could actually feed two. There you go the series of diseases caused by those junks you took. You name it; diabetes, heart attack, obesity, overweight and so on.

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT. Considering on what I've consumed these past years were really something beyond calculation. Total everyday calories that I should take are 1319.2 but surely I've taken far too much from that amount which later were stored as fat in my adipose tissue. Sebabtu lah lengan boleh jadi lemah gemalai bila digoyang sebab excess fat. Sooo not sexy. Hence, I took my very first step to get rid of the old me (physically) to a healthy diet with the help of WebMD. Actually am not really sure how this could work but all I can do is absorb as much information not just from one source to succeed my mission. I believe the best way to loose weight is not by skipping meals or not taking any carbs at all or whatever nonsense diet you've been hearing out there, but to eat healthily and follow the rules. I'm not agree with Jack's method of diet but I couldn't say more since I also didn't walk my talk.

Ouh didn't I mentioned before that I want to reshape my body because it looks good naked? Yeah and I also think of the future. I wanna live longer and healthier. I don't want to wake up everyday and stuffed myself with medicines in the first place. Keeping healthy habits and diets are also good for our inner self. Like me, nampak je kecik tapi lemak bersepah kat dalam. And this one thing, few nights ago I felt pain in my chest somehow like heart attack. I'm not sure because I never experienced one but that's the best to describe the ache. For few seconds I keep still in front of the tv, later went to my room and fall asleep. I woke up in the next day and concluded that there's clot that blocked the blood from pumping into my chest and that was what caused the pain. Too much of Grey's Anatomy.

Or perhaps just abundant of stress.

Btw, here are some tips on what should we eat.

1. The healthy, responsible (for your health and health of the earth) diet is one that is nutrient-dense, calorie-poor (with some exceptions) and plant-based, preferably raw and organic.
2. You need a paradigm shift – the main portion on your plate should now be veggies, with a little rice and the meats or other dishes. Fruits should precede your meals.
3. Muslims are taught to begin with a pinch of salt (to stimulate enzymes and reduce the requirement for saltiness in the food to be eaten).
4. Begin with fruits (to provide additional enzymes to help the digestion, apart from the plentiful nutrients fruits contain).
5. Chew well. It is said that we should “drink” our foods, ie chew enough until they liquefy.
6. Sufficient chewing is necessary for enzymatic digestion in the mouth.
7. Note that the salivary enzymes work in an alkaline environment, and cannot continue once the food reaches the stomach, where the stomach acids take over.
8. Do not overeat. Muslims are taught to stop before feeling satiated. The amount depends on your weight/BMI/body composition and whether you need to lose, maintain or gain weight.

Source: Eating for Health, The Star

Today marks Day 1.

I think I'm a type of reckless. I said things I later regret.

For example,
"Kita nak makan kat mana ni sayang?"
"Makan kat mulut."

See. Takpandai jaga hati orang.

And I'm also a type of merangka siap siap conversation with people but most of the times it went the other way around.

For example, I planned to compliment Jack's new hair cut but in the end I keep it to myself because our conversation didn't led to the part where I supposed to puji him.

Sometimes I  buat perangai but most of the times I memang berperangai tahi. Don't know how to get rid of it.

However I noticed that I will berperangai tahi whenever I'm with Jack. If with other people I can tahan tak gaduh and tak buat muka but with him.... Oh why? Entah. Nak kata dia melayan memang jauh sekali. But, entah. No reason to behave like that.

Baby, I know my attitude memang annoyed lately but I'm trying friggin' best to be your best. I appreciate what you've done and like I told you I know I'm not qualified for the chances you gave me but I also want the best for us. I'm romantic and caring in my own way, only that I lost words to express to you.

You, are my forever plan.

Anak anak 80an patut bersyukur internet tak cukup maju zaman kita.

Bila dah besar ni, aku mula perasan conversation aku dengan mak tak macam bila aku borak dengan ayah. Dengan mak macam ada gap sikit. Jurang yang tak besar mana tapi cukuplah nak buat bunyi cengkerik di tengah tengah perbualan.

Lalu aku kaji balik sebab kami menjadi begitu. Rupanya mak perempuan, aku ini tiada berjiwa macam mak. Mak suka bercerita perihal kawan kawannya, jiran jiran yang berperangai entah apa apa, benda benda random yang mostly pasal orang. Mak bukan mengumpat, cuma dia suka meluah sebab dia memang tak pernah bercerita buruk kisah orang dengan orang lain. Jadinya aku lah tempat luahan memandangkan aku anak sulung yang diharapkan boleh memahaminya.

Tapi aku tak cukup faham.

Dan aku bodoh sombong.

Aku tak tahu macam mana nak terangkan perubahan fasa hidup aku dalam bentuk penulisan. Kalau dulu mak akan cakap sorang sorang sebab aku buat pekakkan telinga atau aku ke dapur pi makan sorang sorang. Rasanya sekarang aku dah mula faham mak. Bila dia cerita pasal kawan kawannya, jiran jiran yang berperangai entah apa apa, benda benda random yang mostly pasal orang-- aku akan dengar dan mula bagi reaksi. Paling kurang "Ouhh ye ke mak?"

Juga disebabkan dulu aku rasa mak dengan aku ada gap, aku tak berapa nak bercerita hal hidup aku dengan dia. Susah senang aku biar aku sorang tahu. Ayah ada untuk dengar aku. Mak tak penting masa tu.

Sekarang, sebab macam dah boleh geng dengan mak, mak pon rajin tanya pasal Jack-- le menantu pilihan. Mak berkenan sangat dengan Jack; entahlah kenapa aku malas amek pusing. Yang pasti aku lega. Lega bilamana selama 24 tahun aku hidup, akhirnya ada benda yang mak bersetuju dengan aku. Hal lelaki.

"Cantik pelamin tu. Along amekla gambaq banyak banyak nanti mak boleh refer nak buat pelamin Along."

Dua malam lalu, ketika bekalan internet tiada dihujung jari, mak bercerita tentang sahabatnya.
Sahabatnya yang dalam dilema mahu mengikut atau tidak suami yang bertukar tempat kerja ke negeri lain.

Pesan mak,
"Kita ini isteri. Tempat kita disisi suami. Biarpun suami kita ke hutan, kita ikut. Dia syurga kita. Dengan dia dimana mana kita pasti bahagia."

Mak ♥

OF WORKLOADS

Do we have to be optimistic atau memang ada orang yang terkesan dengan cara lama?

OF MY LAST SEMESTER IN USM

Jadinya aku telah bergelar graduan daripada universiti tempatan. Universiti luar entah bila pulak. Tercapai jugak impian mak dan ayah tengok anaknya berjaya setelah anaknya ini berperangai tahi enam tahun lalu.

Dan ini adalah geng terbaik pernah aku ada sepanjang hidup. Susah senang aku selama tiga tahun ditempat orang, mereka ini ada untuk menjaga dan mendorong untuk aku buat yang terbaik. Liyana Sulaiman-- teman sebilik untuk dua tahun setengah. Banyak betul momen kita kongsi. Aku sakit kau jaga. Kau pulak takpernah sakit. Kita suka makan sushi, makan megi, buat modelling, bukak Youtube setup rambut, main mekap mekap, belit tudung; semuanya di bilik kecil kita.

Sumpah aku rindu.

Padanlah kita menangis sampai bengkak bijik mata petangtu. Asal kau tahu, walau sudah sampai Kuantan, aku masih menangis sampailah dua hari kemudian. Mata aku sakit bila bangun pagi. Tapi tak boleh nak ganti dengan rasa kosong dihati. Emosi tiada bertempat. Nasib baik blog ini sudah dikuncikan kepada orang luar. Sekarang aku sudah ada rasa segan untuk kongsikan kisah hidup aku dengan orang lain. Tak ada alasan kukuh. Cuma sekadar belum ada rasa untuk berkongsi.

Belum lagi.